20th-July-2010 SCHISM RETURNS FOR ONE LAST GIG! SHALFORD SHOCK THE HILL AT THE LANE. Match Report by Ronald Crawford Tom Wavre hit a match winning 48 and Timmy Taylor (3 for 33) spun the Shalford Peace Keepers to a stunning, 118-run upset victory in the VCL competition on Sunday at Chinthurst Lane. Prior to the match, Oakwood Hill can be forgiven for thinking it was going to be a leisurely stroll in the park at Shalford when they turned up to play on Sunday. OH, sporting 4 Surrey Championship level players (aka the Big 4) in their side, was facing a Shalford team which was in disarray after suffering a severe beating the week before at Abinger in a match which saw Abinger score 276 runs for only 5 wickets against Shalford's top line bowling and then bowl Shalford all out for a dismal 84. A result that left team morale at an all time low and searching for answers to such a whupping. That morale sapping defeat coupled with the fact that 5 of the regular first team players were missing for one reason or another gave the impression that Shalford were primed for another beating that would surely end any chance of a top of the table finish for the Peacekeepers this season. But as the saying goes “Beware the wounded blue hat” and as they make their way back down the A281 to Oakwood Hill, OH will be kicking themselves as they had the opportunity to crush Shalford and missed the chance. When the match started, Shalford got off to a pathetic start with one of the OH Big 4, a previously unseen rocket thrower named Rinaldi, causing Platters to chip a dolly into the lap of midwicket. It was ironic that Platters (8) would get out to the fast bowler since prior to going out to the middle he had proclaimed to anyone within earshot something along the lines of the following: “Fella the reason I can’t play 2s is because I love pace bowling and the only reason why I don’t get a ton every week is because they often take off the fast bowling and put on the slower bowlers which doesn’t challenge me”. Not his exact words but close enough. Before I continue it is worth mentioning that 6 of the next seven batsmen had played in the Presidents Cup match on the previous day and had all participated in the Presidents BBQ celebration and the subsequent Tequila Sunrise after-party. You are probably thinking that I mean one shot of tequila, orange juice, and grenadine syrup. No! Shalford’s version of tequila sunrise is drinking tequila and many other beverages until the sun rises. Luckily the sun rises at 5 am and the match didn’t start until 1:30pm so there was a bit of recovery time, but to say that they were ready to play cricket would be an exaggeration.The greasy morning breakfast helped but it was not hard to notice that the sweat coming out of their pores had a distinct odor to it. Or was it because they all wore the same filthy kits from the day before. However, with the one regular opener gone, OH tightened their grip and brought on Harms who along with Bulpitt proceeded to tie Shalford down. Bulpitt is the kind of bowler you hate to bat against because he rarely bowls loose deliveries and when there is a need to up the scoring rate, he’s hard to attack on a village track. So when Bulpitt bowled Dr. House from a delivery, which appeared to stay straight, Shalford were 41 for 2 off a high number of overs. Heave Ron went in the next over to Harms, and Shalford were reeling at 41 for 3. In life and in history there are some key moments that may seem innocuous at the time but it was not until later that historians realize how important those little incidents were. For example in the history of the world (according to Monty Python) if Moses hadn’t dropped the third tablet of 5 Commandments there would not have been 10. Also, if that Beatle that no one remembers hadn’t quit there would have been 5 of them. One of the key moments in this match was the introduction of Harms on a surprisingly turning wicket. Harms another member of the Big 4 was a finger spinner who seemed to get the ball to turn and move about on the wicket. This immediately was a signal to Shalford’s own T&B Timmy that this would be his lucky day. As soon as Harms got his first Shalford wicket TB was up and jumping up and down and started to stalk up and down the boundary as if penicillin was coming. He was constantly checking the score to make sure that enough runs would be on the board so that he could get at them. It was like watching a rooster before the hen house gate opens. Another key moment was when Cobs (44) decided that Harms was getting too much respect and set about attacking Harms and Bulpitt by playing an array of cuts and cover drives that settled things down for Shalford until the drinks break. There was a lot of self-imposed pressure on Cobs because he’d stated prior to batting “I don’t know why you boys are getting out, he is not that good a bowler. In South Africa, our spinners spin it both ways. This is nothing! Watch JV and I and we will show you boys how it’s done” After the drinks break, Harms spell over the Shalford batsmen continued, when Chuffer (6) played 3 different shots to a slower one and bottom edged it to the keeper who did the old 3 balls trick and caught it between his knees. Shalford were now 56 for 4. When Sir Geoff went out to bat there was a look of despair in the eyes of Spanky and Schism as they wondered whether they would be home again this week by 5 pm. But they and many of the spectators couldn’t understand why despite the score, the 5 irregular members of the team didn’t seem worried. As the thousands of you who read these match reports would know, this was standard operating procedure for most of the I’ Anson League team. The scoreboard never matters. They always knew that given more than 60 runs, they were in with a chance. Sir Geoff and Cobs (who was surprisingly showing no ill effects of the night before) stemmed the fall of wickets with a stand of 32 for the fifth wicket and when it seemed like Sir Geoff was going to hang around for ever playing his wide array of defensive shots, the ball hit his pads and he was adjudged lbw. To quiet any conspiracy theorists, the Club issued a statement, which stated that “there will be no official comment on any of the rumors that there was any foul play involved. That just doesn’t happen at this level!” But Sir Geoff’s dismissal signaled the arrival of the Man-Child Boo who was determined to prove to Bowers, the leader of OH’s Big 4, that he should have selected him for the Guildford first XI. Bowers knew that Boo believed this as he was prone to be reminded by Boo of this every time their paths crossed, and was determined to prove that his non-selection was correct. So, surprisingly, he stopped bowling effective spin and switched to bowling pace against the Man Child from his extra long run up. So it became a duel between Bowers and Boo. It was entertaining but it probably was not what OH needed. In 279 BC during the Pyrrhic War, King Pyrrhus of Epirus fought two battles against the Roman army and even though Pyrrhus won, he suffered irreplaceable casualties in defeating the Romans at Heraclea in 280 BC and Asculum. After the latter battle, Plutarch relates in a report by Dionysius "If we are victorious in one more battle with the Romans, we shall be utterly ruined." In this match, Bowers expended a lot of energy going after Boo (23) who assumed a slogging position and hit Bowers for 3 consecutive fours, which not only lifted the confidence of the Shalford team by proving that Bowers was hittable, but it also allowed Shalford to get back into a match that they were previously losing badly. When it was all over Bowers got his man to a blinding one handed catch by Swallow but Bowers had nothing left in the tank and was then a prime target for Shalford, finishing with 2 for 46 and the most expensive of OH bowlers. It was a Pyrrhic victory. Calcutt (0) departed soon after and then Tom “Schism” Wavre joined Vorster with the score at 135 for 8. In the early hours of 31st January 1968, 70,000 North Vietnamese soldiers, together with guerrilla fighters of the NLF, launched one of the most daring military campaigns in history. The Tet Offensive was the real turning point in the Vietnam War. It was at this time that the US realized that the war was unwinnable. In this match the final key moment and turning point of the match was the arrival of Tom Wavre to the crease. After suffering through the angst of watching his side lose wicket after wicket, Schism (as he is known in this circle) decided that he was going to, in his own words, “represent to the fullest”. As Schism speaks in weird rock and roll language you never know what he means but he started his own offensive against OH and before OH realized what had happened, the match was unwinnable for them. Schism's (48 NO) first shot was a lofted on-drive against Bowers and then he and Vorster (35) proceeded to cart OH bowlers around the park and together they put on an 80 run 9th wicket partnership from which OH never recovered. Party on dude!!. Schism pulled out an array of shots never before seen by him. There was the deft tickle around the corner, the top edge for 4, and the slap back past the bowler, the back away and hack across the line. It was a batting performance that coaches hate but spectators love. One spectator even remarked “is he a golfer?” to which the reply was “no. I think he plays guitar”. Schism represented and it was game on. JV chipped in also and TB(5) played a part, but Schism did the damage. OH were reeling and never recovered. In their reply OH, found the spin of TB Taylor too hot to handle and never threatened the total, eventually being bowled out for 112 in the 32nd over. At one point OH were 50 for 5 and the result seemed no longer in doubt. Only Bowers (33) batting at number 5 got out of the teens and Palmer, Parrot and Foot were the only other ones who got to double figures. Bowling for the Peacekeepers, TB got good figures of three for 33 from 8 overs and he and Boo the Man Child (3 for 25) did most of the damage while there was a wicket each for the rest of the bowlers. Chuffer had the privilege of formalizing the result, when he had Rinaldi caught behind for 1 but by that time the bus had started and it was lager time. After the match, Spanky was on top of the moon and in his post match conference stated, “This result was a good result for Shalford and one of the most satisfying for me. Hopefully this will give us the impetus to push on in the league." “ The atmosphere around the Club was electric and I want that to continue for the rest of season” Come on Peacekeepers!. Ball(s) of the day: Taylor’s delivery to Palmer. Unplayable! Moment of the day: Boo Blasting Bowers!! Catch of the day: Thrawber smashed to Gully. Platters held on. DOTD: A few candidates. Chuffer barely made it by getting a wicket in the last over. But Torrey edged out Heave for the title MOTM Schism (Written on 22-Jul-2010) View Full Scorecard